Raise Your Hand

Whether you're sure or not, if you use Drysol, you don't have to even think about it - ever again - you'll be dry, and that's for damn sure! I've always wondered why you see certain actors running around with sweaty pits when they can use Drysol? Are they afraid of a little cancer? Yeah, so what? So they say certain ingredients like aluminum chloride may cause cancer, but I haven't seen the studies. Show me!


Strap a pair on, and get the treatment. Just do it, but boy, you really will need that set of proverbial balls because the three nights of treatment are pure torture. Torture I say. I have a few friends that can attest, but don't worry pals, I won't rat ya out. Yet. I'll save that for the memoir.

Anyway, for many years I suffered from hyperhidrosis of the underarm, a.k.a. sweaty pits. I'm not talking about a little moisture. I'm talking chasing waterfalls shit. My pits purple rained. Let me tell ya, there were tears for fears. Within moments, two shirts could be completely soaked through. Count 'em. Two. Totally wet. I was dying of embarrassment. (That's actually the title of a book that could help if you suffer from social phobia, or even if you're just a little shy, FYI.) There really is more to the story, but I may actually save it for the memoir. It's fucking funny. No. It's fucking hilarious. Trust me.

Schnitzel says what?

Yeah. I know mini cutlets of fried chicken breast may not be that healthy, but the Chicken Schnitzel from Pita Joe is pretty gosh darn delicious, not to mention kosher. Almost enough said, but not quite. A few Sundays ago I was running errands in Union Square, and suddenly found myself feeling faint. I hadn't eaten all day, and I was famished. My stomach was actually eating itself. Unwittingly, I stumbled onto this gem, Pita Joe. Not your everyday pita and falafel place. Wow! It's really good. And health nuts unite, there are tons of nutritious options available. You can choose a whole wheat pita, falafel balls are only 50 cents, and what's this? The Purple Joe? Heh heh. Can I get a wha what? It's a pita sandwich with grilled eggplant, lettuce, tomatoes, hummus and their organic egg. Sounds lip smacking good, huh? Wait. There's more. Wash it all down with a mint lemonade. Day-YUM! That shi is goo.

And check this out. You can get all your favorite sauces to go on the side, self serve. They keep them in this little steel cooler that also holds an ice pack to keep the sauces chilled. Ingenious. Whattaya say we meet next week for lunch? 2 W. 14th Street, corner of 5th Ave and 14th St. My treat!

Sphincter says, "can't wait for later!" (Now that's just gross. Way to take it there yet again.)